Saturday, March 9, 2013

How To Tell If Your Neighbor is Mormon

We are the only Mormons on our block. In fact, there are two other Mormons in my subdivision that are Mormon, but they don't attend church.

As we planted our garden today, I could hear and see our neighbors peering at us curiously. Windows opening for a few minutes, then closing. Shouts to spouses,"I guess I'll go trim the bushes or something."

I thought, "I guess it is unusual to plant a garden at 9 AM on a Saturday." But really, it's just another sign to our neighbors that we're Mormon. Here are others:

1. We plant a garden at 9 am on a Saturday.

2. We have at least a kid, or we don't mind kids. Cultural stereotype is that we have a tribe of children. But I tried to leave this open for people on the spectrum of the baby process- or for those with infertility.

3. We go to church each Sunday. And Wednesdays. And sometimes on Tuesdays. And maybe even more than that because we live close to the church and help people there often.

4. The missionaries come by at least once a month for food- not just knocking on your door.

5. You've been invited to church activities. From Trunk-or-Treats to Chili Cook-Offs, you've been asked to join us.

6. Modesty. Piercings & Tatoos (or a lack thereof)

7. We don't drink, and will typically leave a party before people get unbearably intoxicated.

8. We ask you for flour or an egg. Because, yes, we bake. We make cookies from scratch.

9. We decline the invitation to read "50 Shades of Grey" and when you said it was 'graphic' we thought that meant violent.

10. We don't do a lot of stuff on Sunday, most certainly not going to the store, but possibly not working out or running or going to sporting events.

11. We can't lend you wine or beer. We just don't have it.

12. We may say things like "oh, dang" or "crow" or "cuss" or "cluster cuss" or "rat fink" instead of a swear. Most definitely we don't use the G or JC ones.

That's all I can think of, but there's one problem.

My neighbors don't read my blog.

They'll continue to peep and wonder what the Wilde's are up to.

Oh well, it felt good to write it out.

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