Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Cluster Cuss of Thoughts

I've got a lot of thoughts here. Or, as the girl from Mean Girl's says, "I just have a lot of feelings!"

Either way, I have them. And normally I try to parse them out in this blog or tell them to Russ over our multiple daily conversations. But tonight Russ is far away. So this blog is going to hear it all.

Russ being gone is sort of my first point. He is in some remote part of West Texas. Where there is no cell phone reception. But a lot of pretty things. I'm a little jealous.

I forgot he couldn't get phone calls. So I tried to call him tonight and was dismayed to get his voicemail. Because of this, I got all down on myself about not being able to talk to him. I had a real "woe is me" attitude about it. That is, until I thought about all my friends who are military wives. I thought of one in-particular who has two small boys. I thought about how the last time she saw her husband was before Thanksgiving. I quit feeling the woes. And I said a small prayer for my friend.

I also listened to Fresh Air today as I drove to the grocery store. One of my Professors today jokingly told us to listen to NPR today (He was chiding a student for not knowing what was happening in Lybia).

I tuned in as I drove down the frontage rode and jumped into this story about the book I Think I Love You. It made me want to read leisurely again so much! I remembered when I Skyped with my Dad earlier today. My Dad's lawyer was in the room as well and said to me, "The Third Year of law school is the worst. You'll get so tired of reading cases."
Well Mr. Dad's Lawyer, I'm there. I want to read again for fun. I was about half way through Team of Rivals last I read. (Footnote: I have a pet peeve of people who hate fiction and only read historical. Really? That's all you read? Get an imagination. I just don't understand...)
So this book intrigued me because it seemed to be about somethings that I find fascinating:

  • Teen Love vs. Real Love
  • Women can do their Father's jobs but are still expected to do their Mother's responsibilities
  • Fear of your children repeating your choices, or hope that they will
  • Preempting another's judgment of you
Anyway, add that to my bucket list. But my thoughts didn't stop here. I thought of all the books I want to write. And I got excited. Mmmm.... I need to write those down....


Another thought that has being weighing on my mind is my friends. Friends that are struggling right now. My dear, dear friends that are akin to my brothers and sisters. And I'm talking about multiple friends. Friends that don't know each other... some that do. There's one specifically that I think about when I'm about to drift off to sleep. I quickly get on my knees and plead that they will be guided, helped, and healed at this difficult time.

But really this whole thing just got me thinking about real friendship. While I am grateful to be there for my friends, I can't help but worry that I'm saying or doing the right things. Listening at the right times, giving advice at the right times. I definitely don't want to drive them away. But this seems sort of narcissistic. Here they are struggling and all I can do is think about myself. This bothered me a bit... but then I came to a conclusion that made me feel better. Perhaps for my own comfort. I think at the end of the day I want my friends to know that I care and that I love them. I hope the one impression I leave with people is that I love. I care. I do not judge and point, but that I love them.

Sort of a cheesy thought, but it holds true. But that's the truth.

Well lastly I think a lot about law school. I need to get back to it. It's about to get tough. And, you know, I feel like this always happens to me. I'm always doing something important, working on some major project, and I have a week where everything happens at once. That is next week. Every day next week I have serious and important things happening... expect for maybe Wednesday. So maybe on Wednesday I'll sleep 5 hours. But here's what it's shaping up to be:

  • Monday: Opening Statement for Mini-Trial
  • Tuesday: Advocacy Lecture, followed by pre-op appointment.
  • Wednesday: Read, Sleep, Prepare, Repeat
  • Thursday: Direct/Cross Examination for Mini-Trial
  • Friday: Surgery

The good news is that the following week is Spring Break. And if I'm going to enjoy that, then I better get back to reading. Much love blog readers! I told you it was going to be a cluster!


Hilary said...

Loved reading your thoughts!
And PS - you are indeed a good friend. And good luck next week!

MaryPosa said...

I'm totally with you on that footnote. Non-fiction is great and all, but come on, I absolutely LOVE me some good escapist fiction! :)

Good luck with everything you've got going on right now, I know you'll do simply amazing. LOVE!!!

Rebex said...

I loved reading your cluster of thoughts. :) And you can rest easy knowing that if there's one thing your friends know about you, it's that you love and care about them.