Goodbye 2012...

Goodbye law school.
And bar exam.

Goodbye Waco.
Goodbye stress and worry and studying every night.

Thank you, 2012, for the lessons and the memories. I am grateful for all I learned, for friends I call dear, for family and unconditional love. I've grown, learned, and changed. I am a better person than I was when 2012 started. Thank you...but let's not do it again!

My Visiting Teacher Got Married

 Rebecca has been my visiting teacher for the past little bit. And she's been awesome. The past 6 months have been a tough challenge for me. Rebecca was always on hand to give encouragement, bring an uplifting message, or come and bake cookies with me. I've referred to her as my 'angel'.

So what do you do, as a visiting teachee, when your angel is suddenly swept off her feet?

You Celebrate with Her.

You throw her a Bridal Shower- well co-throw along with Michelle
(the awesome best friend, room mate, and my dear friend!)

You make up a crazy theme: Movies. Every gift must have a movie reference.
Example: Pillows- While You Were Sleeping

Then, along with the Relief Society, you make her a quilt.

And finally, you show up to celebrate her big day! YAY!

Sure will miss her, but I know we'll always stay close! 

CONGRATS JOSEPH & REBECCA!!!

Friday Flashback: April 29, 2011

Last Friday I was exhausted and about to take a final. I think I slept 3 hours that night. Stress is awful. No sleep is awful. Check out the last message I sent to Russ for proof:

I didn't even notice all my misspellings until post-test. Such a sorry text message! So grateful that this Friday I spent it hauling around the Sister Missionaries, making delicious food visiting with friends, and just now waking up from a nap.

Long Live the relaxing Fridays!!!

Accepted

Texas from the Amtrak ride I took earlier this month.

I had a conversation today with a man from my law school class. As I talked with him, I learned that life had been hard for him. Many parts of life had left him rejected. He had not found success in some areas of life that are most basic to happiness; family, work, and religion.

Part of my heart broke for him. Because I've watch my classmates be dismissive of him the past few months. Today was my first real interaction with him. We were working on a school project together. I never realized that there was so much silent sorrow from someone right in my class.  I don't think I made his life any easier. But I listened. And it made me realize something. Nothing fantastic. Something I have thought and felt before. I guess I should say it reminded me of something.

Sometimes we get so caught up in our own happiness and survival that we forget to look around for others who might be drowning. Who may be worse off than us. Or maybe who are doing the same as us, but don't have the support structure that we may have. We get caught up and find ourselves saying things like:

• "I feel bad for people who aren't as happy as I am"
• "Those poor people on the planet who will never know how good life is. Sucks for them. Sure makes me grateful I'm not one of them. I'm so glad that's not me."

Or, if they're similarly situated as we are:

• "They should've done that differently. Yup, I see them struggling but they wouldn't struggle if they would do it my way."
• "Wow, they're having a hard time. But so am I. And they should really be the one to make efforts to help me out in this hard time."

And I guess these thoughts could fall under either category:

• "Huh. They're struggling. Well, that's messy. I don't want to get involved. I'll just come around afterwards and show them I care."
• "Well... I don't really approve of how they're handling things. I would do things differently so that means I can't help."

Now, I think I'm guilty of this too. I've been in this Practice Court program for just as long as these students who have been cruel to this man. I've heard of my classmate's tragedies and felt indifferent. Or I've ignored their problems. But this is not right. I am wrong. Those people that were this man's friends? They were wrong.

Do you see how much all those statements focus on ME?

It should go the other way around. It should be about them. Regardless of our opinions on how they handle their problems. And I don't think it takes much. 5 minutes to listen. A hug. Baking cookies with a friend, maybe. But not much.

But it makes the world of difference. I saw it in this man as he walked away this afternoon, after we'd talked for 5 minutes. I noticed he had his bounce back in his walk. I noticed that I felt better. As though somehow our 5 minute conversation had lessened the load of reading I have to do tonight.

All we want in this world, as least from each other, is acceptance. And when we listen and serve, we accept one another. I hope I remember this. So the next time I get the opportunity to judge and walk away that I choose to stay, take 5 minutes, and help in some small way.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you want to read more about this, Here's a talk that also came to mind for me:

Gifts of Love- Elder Eyring

I love the story of the jar of cherries.

Thoughts on Law School

 A few months back I was talking with a friend and lamenting the challenges of law school. I'll be honest, it was a downer conversation. My friend commented that law school was not worth it. This made me think. A lot.

Because I disagreed but I couldn't articulate at the time why I disagreed.

Well, it hit me in Constitutional Law the other day. As we were discussing the history of the Equal Protection Clause. I was marveling (mentally) about the lengths people have gone to in order to protect simple freedoms. Most things that I wouldn't care about. Simple freedoms that take decades to secure.

And then it hit me. Law school is worth it because there are things worth fighting for. Giving your all to protect principles and values that are true to the core. That is worth it. The civility is worth it.

I hope I remember this as I start Practice Court in a few weeks. Practice Court is the hard part of Bayor Law School. It's an intensive training in the courtroom. Part of me is terrified. A small part of me is excited. No matter what, it will be worth it in the end.

Sometimes you win...

After being in law school for a year and a half.... after months of being unsure if I belong here or not.... after moments of unsurety and just pushing through because I knew this is what I wanted... after a dozen or so crying phone calls to my husband....

I feel like I can say that I belong here.

And it feels good.

More explanation to come tomorrow (with a picture).

Friendship: One of Life's Curiosities (for me)

Whenever I meet people, I tend to get a feeling about them. A feeling like, "we are going to be friends". Or, "Mmm...we will probably never get very close, but it's nice to meet them".

Sometimes these... premonitions work out. Other times, they don't. Perhaps I am too easygoing and the other person is too easygoing and then because neither of us try very hard, a friendship just never develops. Then, with the people that I meet that I think it will never work out, it does! Why? I guess because we both try, we make time to do things together. Then we laugh and have fun and realize that we actually get along quite well.

I'll be honest, I haven't mastered this whole friendship thing. I recall in high school there would be these gaggle of girls, 7-10 of them that were absolutely best friends. I've never been that good at being a friend. I tried to fit in, but I just didn't fit with the group. I guess I'm a work in progress when it comes to friendship. I'm not there yet- but I am so much closer than I was when I was in high school.

It's just a mystery that I marvel at. I bring it up because this year I have had a friendship deepen by a devastating loss. This friend, let's call her NC, was a person I thought I would never really be close to. She was too young, too well put together, too bubbly, too happy, too open... just living life too fast I guess I don't know. I mean sure, NC and I have a lot in common. Both being dancers, both without kids, both in this funny little San Marcos area, both of us like to sing. We had out problems as teenagers, we've overcome similar addictions.

We have every reason not to try to be friends, or to be in conflict with each other. But life this summer has brought us together. We've worked with the Young Women together, sang in church together, had Sunday lunches together, game nights together. Still these things are just things that don't necessarily make a friendship last.

But this week she needed help. I reached out and she reached back. I've had friends at similar stages where I've tried to help but the other person does not reach back. The friendship dwindles to acquaintance and we end up just smiling at each other as we pass by. But this time it's been different!

Friendship is such a mystery to me. It doesn't always work out, even when I think it should. And then when I think it won't it does. While I don't understand it, I am grateful for it.

If there was a theme for my summer, I think it would be Friendship. I'm still learning a lot about it, but this summer has been a magnified lesson in what friendship is, and how to cultivate it.

LOST and lost

My experience with LOST began in 2006. I had just returned from my mission and, in a cliché way, I was lost.

I had just returned from my mission. If you know me, you know that I am a planner. On my mission I made it a point not to plan life after my mission. So when life after my church service began, I did not really know where to start.

Now, Russ was there. My family was there. But I was unsure of how to adjust. I am pretty sure all missionaries experience this.

Well, Russ and I went and visited Scott and Andrea (my brother and sister-in-law) in Pocatello, Idaho. After a nice dinner we wanted to watch a movie. But instead Russ, Scott, and Andrea convinced me to watch LOST.

Initially I was interested because it was filmed in my third area, Kahalu’u. So I was curious to see my old area on tv.

I think it was the second or third episode that I recalled my political science class from undergrad. I had studied John Locke in political theory. It’s hard to explain the spark that occurred. But we stayed up watching LOST until early in the morning.

I was an addict from there.

So, as I watch the end of this show tonight, I cry without saving any face. I am closing that awkward chapter in my life (I know, I know. Kind of late to close it). I look back at all the changes that have happened to me since I’ve been home. Too many to list here.

But I’m starting a new chapter in life. I am no longer the FOB missionary I once was. I’m not really a newly wed or in my early 20’s even. I’m not a first year law student.

Today, I became a certified yoga instructor. I work in a legit legal office (not some prep job for law school). Russ and I have been married over 3 years. So what I’m saying is that it’s time for LOST to end. I am ready for the next chapter.

So Thank you LOST. And Aloha.

Jose

This is my friend Jose.

I met him in law school and my first thought about him was kind of creepy. Well maybe it wasn't, you tell me: I thought, "Oh of course Jose is here. This is where I meet my friend, Jose. We have always been friends."

WEIRD RIGHT?

Anyway, crazy or not, he is a great friend.

And after going through a tough time, I quite enjoyed a ride with my friend Jose to Austin to kick off Spring Break.

THANKS JOSE!

AND TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO ARE ALWAYS THERE!!!

(Laura, Kyle, Russ, and all ya'll that are my pals in rain or shine!)

I got served

Today I had a unique experience. It was quite unexpected. I'll leave out names and there are no photos to respect my dear friend's privacy.

So Russ and I moved to Texas and I had few friends. Often the only ones I knew were from church, and more often than not I got along better with the new people at church than those who were deeply rooted in the area, or that had a lot of family here.

I met one lady and we became great pals. Actually there were three of us. We enjoyed lunch, games, movies, etc. for about a year. Then one moved away. A month or so later I returned from camping in Navasota, Texas to find the other one was gone. 

It broke my heart that she was gone. Mostly, that she had to flee with her children, from domestic violence. I thought I would never see her again.

Today that changed- but not on the happiest circumstances.

She and I kept in touch over the phone. In January, after the children's father had a visit with her kids, he never returned them. 

I don't know how she did it, how she's lasted this long. But today she had her day in court. 

She'd asked me many times if I would testify in court that she was a fit parent. I thought sure, but it won't ever come down to that.

It Did. I realized last night that it was all going down at 9 am just North of where I lived.

I was nervous. I hadn't told my job about it. I hadn't planned on it.

But there, at 6:30 am, driving down the freeway it was all about to happen.

Russ grilled me on questions. I nervously called my boss at 7:15 in the morning. And then we were there.

I saw my friend. I saw the nerves, the stress, the strength. 

We paced the halls, we searched for cars, we talked with lawyers and staff from the Attorney General's office. 

We paced more. Many times I thought the building would just shatter because of how thick the air was. 

Then, he was there. It was about power. It was about putting my friend in her place. The children were not there. 

MORE stress. More nerves, and tears, lip-biting, hand-wringing.

We were in the middle of talking. The doors to the elevator opened. Out walked the angels. My friend screamed and ran to her children, but stopped. The lawyers al gave nods that it was okay. She knelt down and hugged her babies.

I am so glad to have seen such a tender moment. I don't have kids, I don't think I understand the depth of suffering she had suffered. 

The children went to a conference room. Lawyers talked money, visitation, and taxes. Back and forth, back and forth. Then an agreement. 

In the courtroom with a judge, lawyers, my friend, and the scumbag kidnapper and spouse abuser.

Her lawyer talks, judge responds. His lawyer talks, judge responds. Lawyers call people to question and question. Yes, sir. Yes, ma'm. My name is ....

Then arms raised, oaths taken. We are done.

Back outside to wait for the kids. Little steps come down the hall. And it's done. It's permanent. 

I was served with a great lesson in parental love, of parental suffering, and oh yeah, a subpoena.  

Being an Adult & Religious

As a kid, the adults at church just pulled things off. Sure, when I was a teen no one could lead me anywhere. But I always imagined that if I still went to church as an adult, it would be as smooth as easy as it had always been.

Or if anything threw me off, I would question my beliefs or church authorities.

Well, it is not so.

Being an adult, and involved in church, the biggest challenge has come from somewhere else. 

I don't know quite how to say it, to explain it. But I think the biggest challenge is working with other adult leaders. We all have goals and ways we intend to magnify our responsibilities and sometimes doing so steps on each other's toes. We may push to have our way and push someone else right out of accomplishing their duties.

I don't know how to repair this. I just know it's tough. And somehow knowing the challenge makes wading through it easier. And that's what I really intend to do- do my best to get through the challenges of it. I don't intend to quit church, I don't have any good reason to. 

What I want to know is, if anyone else has had this same challenge? I'm sure people have, but have you ever thought about it extensively, anybody ever identified this as the biggest issue in being religiously involved?

Like I said, I intend to just keep dealing with it all. It just initially took me off guard. The adults I knew never seemed to have such a struggle when I was a youngster.