Night and Day

Thursday night I had the opportunity to go to the temple with the youth.

Thursday afternoon I also had the responsibility of recommending punishment for probation violators.

I hadn't thought much about the contrast until I was at the temple, walking the names of people from the baptismal font to the recording area. One name was from the 1500's and I thought about how long she must have waited for the freedom that comes with making the baptismal covenant.

It was at that point I thought back to those sorrowful probationers- looking at time in jail or a few more years of probation.

How distinct the contrast- by day ensuring people stay limited and punished and required to check in and rehabilitate. Then by night working with others to help set them free for eternal salvation.

I do love my job. These folks do need the counseling or jail time or probation that they get.

But the night at the temple is light years more rewarding.

Random Thoughts

A few thoughts on my mind since I last blogged (which was like 2 hours ago):

Conversation with one of my seminary students, who also mows my lawn & babysits for me and stuff:

Me: Can you mow the lawn today (Saturday)
Him: No, but I can tomorrow.
Me: No, tomorrow is Sunday.
Him: I'll just bring my family with me and then do it.
Me: No. It's not just about being with your family. It's about keeping the sabbath day holy.
Him: .... (looks puzzled)
Me: On the seventh day God rested. He wasn't secretly making flowers somewhere. He was resting.

Him: (gets it) Oh, yeah. Well maybe he was, you just need to read inbetween the lines and it says he was.

*Cracks me up!*

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Best Movie I've seen this year? Hmmm... I think "Beasts of the Southern Wild"

Just watched it again (it's short)

The movie is beautiful poetry.

Here's my favorite line from it:

Hushpuppy: When it all goes quiet behind my eyes, I see everything that made me flying around in invisible pieces. When I look too hard, it goes away. And when it all goes quiet, I see they are right here. I see that I'm a little piece in a big, big universe. And that makes things right. 

Quiet Dignity

This topic has been on my mind a lot lately, although I haven't really known it was called "Quiet Dignity" while I've been thinking about it. But this morning I realized that the thoughts on my mind lately have actually been summed up in these words - quiet dignity.

Quiet dignity is something LDS missionaries are instructed to seek for on their mission. I think it's in the little white handbook we carried around. Or maybe it was just in my mission rules.

Either way, it's doing what's right without making a big deal out of it. It's flying below the radar, but still living true to your testimony.

I've had a calling change at church recently and I have the opportunity to work with some women who are great examples of quiet dignity. They have a calming presence that makes the stress and weight of the world go away. And that says a lot as I study for the bar exam!

At the same time, I've noticed a lot about LDS people in the media that seem to be very flashy and shocking and really in-your-face. It's kind of bothered me. Not what they're doing, but just how they're doing it. I guess I almost feel disappointed that there's such a stir about just being a good person.

And then there's part of me that feels like it's about the attention and not what they're doing. While I agree with some of what I've seen in the media about LDS people, I don't think they need to make a media scene to live what they believe. I can't help think that more meaningful than a blog post, a march, a angry rant on Facebook, or anything of the like, the more meaningful thing is being a friend, listening to a person who is struggling, having dinner with someone you know needs support, etc. etc.

And what I see in the media is not quiet dignity. I'm kind of disappointed in that.

Now, I am also an old lady. Well, I think I have the soul of a grandma. I've come to not care to be a spectacle or a freak show. I don't want people in my life who want to just see the drama of my life. I just want a few good friends and family members to peaceably live out my days with in laughter, tears, and lots of tasty food.

I feel like I've had my day in the sun. The other day I was thinking about how excited I am to turn 30. Well, I still have a couple years before that, but I feel like I have completely exhausted my 20's. I feel as though I have lived them to the fullest and I am ready to be old. And boring. And mature or whatever. Maybe I am just really tired from studying for the bar. Although I am far from prepared for it.

And somehow this all relates back to my original thought of Quiet Dignity. I am inspired by these women I spoke of earlier. I want to be like them. I want to be a person who quietly goes about her life and just does what's right without being loud.

So that is what I am working on now. Aside from the bar exam and everything else in life, I am striving for quiet dignity.

Also I've been addicted to Fredericksburg peaches lately.
So tasty. 

Just a Few Thoughts For Today

• I love staying in hotels. It just feels nice to be in a clean space that I don't have to clean.
• I want a government, not a political party. I hate the type of people who get elected to public office.
• Some jokes just arent' funny the second time around. Especially when they are Laffy Taffy jokes.
• Even though my sister and I haven't been very close, we still showed up to the retreat today with out hair in a braid.

• I've heard a lot of awesome ladies today share a lot of difficult problems, some with about their spouses. It saddens part of me. It also scares part of me. I keep thinking about something that a law professor taught me- the biggest threat to any marriage are the two people in that marriage and the choices that they make. Same sex marriage, friends getting divorced, etc., etc. will not affect my marriage as much as the choices my husband and I make. 

Up

Who doesn't love the movie UP? And all the other Pixar movies (except Cars. I can't get behind that one) for that matter.

Pixar has a key to my heart! And last night Russ said something that made me have a deeper appreciation for the movie "UP".

We were at a baptism last night and Russ was welcoming the father and daughter to our little San Marcos congregation. Russ was explaining to the family that from here, they need to go up. That after baptism some of us feel that we're done trying and that baptism is the end. But that's not true, there's more. We need to keep going up, there are more moments like the "baptismal" moment that are ahead.

Ok... I'm sure you can't see the connection to "Up". But when Russ said this, I thought about Up and how the old man plateaus after his wife died. But throughout the movie, he ends up opening his heart again to the fat boy scout (who is also named Russ) and helping out a family in need. He goes UP.

It just made me happy. Does that make sense? If you're stuck, go UP.

Case Law Thought

If you're anything like me, you occasionally ask yourself this question: Am I a Good Person?

I ponder on it for a few days, give up, and table a ultimate decision to be decided later.

Well, I don't really think that way anymore. I think that there is a BRIGHT LINE between being a good and a bad person. But sometimes, when I haven't looked at what it takes to be a bad person for a while, I forget where that line is. Let me say again: it's a BRIGHT LINE.

Lately in law school I have been reading the most horrific and sad cases. Here's a small peek:

• Mom prostituting her 13 yr old daughter out for cocaine.
• Husband, with a history of violence, shoots his wife 4 times, a cop 4 times, and shoots at his extended family. He kills his wife and the cop. 

And this was was the worst:

• A 18 month old is brought into the emergency room by mom for a broken leg. While being treated there is a 'discharge' and it is discovered this baby has an STD, from mom's live in boyfriend. : * (

There is a clear line between right and wrong. After reading all this yesterday, I went home and Russ and I did our little phone routine of scriptures and prayer. We read Jacob 6. I won't recite it, but suffice it to say that it brought me a lot of peace about things.

If you're reading this, just know, YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON.

Vague Blog

Russ and I have just returned from Orange, Texas. We went to visit the Hayes family. They are a family that have so much LOVE. They've come to visit us in San Marcos, and this is our second time going back East. But more on this trip later.

What I wanted to blog about was a conversation I had with M. Hayes. She is the matron of the family, and she is amazing. This woman has a presence about her. When she talks, you listen. Her children are amazingly obedient (but I know it's taken her years of work and practice). And you know she loves you. You can just feel it in everything she does or says.

We were talking on the couch before we left about life. She has had some challenges lately, in all aspects of life. Russ and I have also had some interesting turns lately. This is where this blog is going get vague. So no need to read on if you're not in the mood for the passive discussion.

M. Hayes said, "It's all about attitude. But be careful, because before you know it, you're attitude becomes reality." I had to laugh at this. There's been a lot on my mind lately. I made a comment to Russ a year or two ago, sort of off-handedly. Now, the inverse of that comment has happened. (Vague??? Well, I warned you...).

Since that talk, as we drove home, I've thought about that and pondered why the inverse happened instead of the exact statement I made. And I think I've figured out. I think if the actual statement had happened, the first part would have been done out of willingness. But the second part would have been done out of sense of duty. But because the inverse happened, both were done out of willingness.

Isn't that interesting? And isn't this vague? I do apologize.
I really wrote this so I would remember... I hope I remember through the vagueness.

The Best Compliment I've Received... In a While

I was sitting in class this last week, waiting for the class to start. The class didn't start for another 15 minutes, but I was stressed. I was thinking about the impending finals and taking Practice Court in the Spring.

I'll be honest, I've been so stressed that I haven't been a very good friend lately. I'd turned down multiple lunch offers from friends and rolled my eyes when my friends at law school said something silly to try to lighten my mood.

As I sat in class, my friend José came in. He had just returned from lunch- one that I had declined to go to. José walked right up to me and started asking me questions about stuff that had been talked about over lunch. Now, José is from Arizona. He told me that at lunch they'd talked about Mormons. He asked me if I was a typical Mormon. (I laughed a little at this point. I mean, that's like asking if I'm normal). He went on to explain that most Mormon women he knows wouldn't go to law school.

I responded that he's right. Most would not go to law school. But most still value education. We went back and forth a little bit. But basically I explained that Mormons come from a lot of different standpoints- some are Democrat too! Really! I explained that my choice to go to law school came from many spiritual impressions to do so.

Ok, so here's where the best compliment comes in. I said to José, "I guess I'm different because family isn't as important to me." José was shocked! He responded, "That's not right Chow. You put Russ before everything else. One thing I've noticed about you is that while law school is important, you have always put your family first."

That may not seem like a nice compliment to you. But for me, I've heard that I don't put family first from other people. And after people tell you something for so long, you start to believe it.

So thanks José for reminding me that I'm just fine the way I am. I may not be the cookie cutter, typical Mormon girl. But I know that I am exactly who I am supposed to be.

Just wanted to remember that! This is more for me than for anyone else!

Thoughts on Law School

 A few months back I was talking with a friend and lamenting the challenges of law school. I'll be honest, it was a downer conversation. My friend commented that law school was not worth it. This made me think. A lot.

Because I disagreed but I couldn't articulate at the time why I disagreed.

Well, it hit me in Constitutional Law the other day. As we were discussing the history of the Equal Protection Clause. I was marveling (mentally) about the lengths people have gone to in order to protect simple freedoms. Most things that I wouldn't care about. Simple freedoms that take decades to secure.

And then it hit me. Law school is worth it because there are things worth fighting for. Giving your all to protect principles and values that are true to the core. That is worth it. The civility is worth it.

I hope I remember this as I start Practice Court in a few weeks. Practice Court is the hard part of Bayor Law School. It's an intensive training in the courtroom. Part of me is terrified. A small part of me is excited. No matter what, it will be worth it in the end.

Sick Day

Perhaps it's the medicine from the bronchitis, but today Russ called me "Mom". But maybe it's not the medicine from the bronchitis, because he's done this before, maybe 2 years ago. Anyway I think it's weird. Most of the time he's making up a song and trying to rhyme. Today he was making up a song about cooking me lunch and then called me mom in the rhyme. But still... that's weird.

Speaking of Moms, here's my mom:

She's a storyteller.

My Own Personal J

Ok, I've got a secret: I love that show "America's Next Top Model". But chances are if you know me well, then you know this. Truth is, I'm awful at keeping secrets.

But one of the things I love about the show are the J's. 

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They're not on a whole lot lately it seems.... um, actually I haven't seen the show in a while. So they may be on but I don't know.

But the are really critical and really drive the contestants to be their best. I guess they're analogous to the coaches on The Biggest Loser. But I don't watch that show, so I'm just guessing.

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Anyway! The point is I started a spinning class at Gold's last week and the instructor is this type of person. I love his class. I feel pushed to work extra hard and he will call you out if you're being lazy. Oh, and his name is J. too. 

One of my favorite things about this class is the little quips he says in classes. Which is why I wanted to write this blog entry, I wanted to remember something he said today in class. 

He said, "commitment means accountability."

I like that. Maybe it's not his original thought. But I had never heard it before and I like it.